I think I am morally bankrupt
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
