Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
