Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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