Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
why is half of my head shaved?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I did not marry a roomba.
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