she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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