Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
