All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
BRING THE BAGELS
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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