I'm so fucking centered right now
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
