Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
