My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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