im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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