I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
