Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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