Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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