I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
