Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
