"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
