It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
