so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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