TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
