wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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