How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
