I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
