All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
