My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
