kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
