Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
