Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
