Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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