we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
