my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
