I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
