i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
