He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
