He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
