I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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