Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
