Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize