Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
