If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
