so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
