I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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