I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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