tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
