May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
