Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
