come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
