so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
