This is not my ceiling
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
