just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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