Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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