He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
