Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
