Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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