1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How does one acquire holy water?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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