I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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