whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
