I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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