Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
