what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
