Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
