chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's official drugs can't kill me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
