Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
