i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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