Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize