You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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