ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
