apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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