I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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