He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
