Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
