Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
