I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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