my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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