I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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