I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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