I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
