Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
