I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
