My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
